Rochester, NY

A small, crime-infested city located in upstate New York, sandwiched between Buffalo and Syracuse, and now seems to get more snow than both of them combined thanks to global fucking warming. Used to be a fairly ok town thanks to Kodak and Xerox, but since Kodak went belly up and Xerox is about as relevant as Meghan McCain’s asshole, the only thing left to do for employment is to work for one of the soul-stealing, “we’re so awesome we shit gold bricks” URMC hospitals or their 20,000 satellite locations, or be a drug-dealer on Lyle Avenue or Avenue D. We also have a mayor I guess, I dunno, her name is Lovely and she’s mostly known for pulling a disappearing act during blizzards and for owning approximately 587 pairs of glasses, which she rotates daily. Sometimes twice daily. The only street in the actual downtown area where you don’t have to be constantly looking over your shoulder and have a finger on your pepper spray is Park Avenue. Everything and everyone else has fled to the suburbs. Only other thing this shit-stain of a town has going for it is Mt. Hope Cemetary, if you’re into gothic noir and wandering a badass fuckin’ graveyard with tombs as big as Ford F-150s, and Lake Ontario, which is an actual Great Lake; not as big as Superior but not as gross as Erie. Oh yeah, we’re also mostly known for garbage plates, so have one of those if you want diarrhea for 3 days and swollen eyes from all the sodium you just injected.